firey_ashes

this thing is stupid. hoenstly, can't believe i keep telling myself that i'll be good and update my journals.
other than finals, very happy with life. finally.

quizzes!

This was one of the weirdest dreams I've EVER had. It's even LJ posting worthy.

Here goes:

This is the crazy ass dream I had between 11 and 2 today.

Before anything really happens, the dream starts off with me making out with Sam. Then cut to my Aunt Seena's house where there's a party going on and everyone from my family and her friends are invited except us. My mom's pissed but in the end I go up to the door (mind you I'm wearing a very formal and pretty black and gold dress with my bangs pulled back) and I get the key to her vault and go shopping.So getting into the car again, my mom got confused on where to sit and finally went in the front. We drove to someplace where i organized this play sort of thing but not and mostly everyone from berkeley was there (had me in alice wonderland outfit and some soldiers and other things) when all of a sudden something i didn't plan (a bunch of guys come in while taking a part in the play) takes us to a strip club and all the guys go crazy. but it turns out this is an evil strip club where evil fictional characters are mulling about and also driving people insane. All the while the guys are hitting up the strippers. And then a blond guy rejects me for a stripper only to be abandoned himself. I realize that the only way we can get out is by taking eyebrow samples from everyone. So i'm going around trying to convince everyone this isn't real while taking eyebrow hairs. Finally, I get to Sam and tell him I need his and he says: "Ashley, look around. We're having fun, ease up and let loose! we've had bitches ... but these are hoes!!!" So I got pissed and stripped right there and went and danced on a pole and he got jealous and pulled me down. We ran out of the club (safe) and were snogging heatedly outside.

And then I woke up.

This is for Charlie. Fuck yea look what i got!!! (mwahahahaha)


Your WOLF DAEMON shows that you are solitary,
ferocious, and often intimidating, but not
without your sufficient loyalty and poise.
People tend to misunderstand you, but you
prefer your own company, anyway.


What Animal Would Your Daemon Settle As?
brought to you by Quizilla

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

Did it again.

Anyway, Castro monday night. woot!

The Wild Rose Random Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLDf) shmolorful, but unpicked. You are The Wild Rose. Prone to bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and thorns, you excite a certain kind of man. Hoping to gather you up, he flirts and winks and asks you out, ultimately professing his love. Then you make him bleed. Why? Because you're the rare, independent, self-sufficient kind of woman who does want love, but not from a weakling. You don't seem to take yourself too seriously, and that's refreshing. You aren't uptight; you don't over-plan. Romance-wise, sex isn't a top priority--a true relationship would be preferable. For your age, you haven't had a lot of bonafide love experience, though, and this kind of gets to core of the issue. You're very selective. Your exact opposite: The Dirty Little Secret Deliberate Gentle Sex Master The problem is them, not you, right? You have lofty standards that few measure up to. You're out there all right, but not to be picked up by just anyone. "You're never truly single as long as you have yourself." ALWAYS AVOID: The Bachelor CONSIDER: The Vapor Trail. Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: Ash20

So number 2 officially happened.

Though I'm keeping Matt for back up and YES I AM leading him on... Don't yell at me.

I don't feel like writing the whole story on here. Just call and I'll tell you all.

In other news, my harddrive failed (this is also connected with the above) and now I need to get a new one. This means I lost my amazing 10 gigs of music files and a bajillion scrubs episodes. FUCK.

(19:13:59) Tristan: Floorcest is only the greatest sin one can commit

Oh yes, I am stupid.

wooo going to fail physics biznatches!

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? My face. And then grab the concealer.
3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"? Best ... or if i'm being creative ... mess.
4. Favorite plant? Those red rimmed yellow roses.
5. Who is the 4th person on your call list on your cell phone? the 4th down is (oh hey... austin)...., and the 4th-to-last person who called me was NEENU(s)!, the 4th-most-recent person I called was voicemail...the 4th real person is Lizzle (aka Liz).
6. What is your main ring tone on your phone? My own programed (damn straight I made it myself) phantom of the opera theme.
7. What shirt are you wearing? A green sweater and jeans. Oh, and a crazed expression.
8. Do you "label" yourself? I'm about ten different people all bunched into one. So no.
9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing? my flesh. It's squishy.
10. Bright or Dark Room? Friggin bright from my roommate's lamp that could fucking light an entire cave in alaska.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? Well let's see. I hope he dies a million deaths. The end.
12. Ever "spilled the beans"? Yea, I made a mess on the floor too. ... oh you mean not literally? Yes.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Having a mad orgy.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? My phone is ghetto. It doesn't get this thing called the 'text message.'
15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners? Fuck that.
16. What's a saying that you say a lot?? OH MY GOD. and there's always Meep.
17. Who told you they loved you last? No one? My mom? hahahahaha
18. Last furry thing you touched? A fo hawk.
19. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past Three Days? Gimme another day and I'll tell you.
20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? About 2.
21. Favorite age you have been so far? None. But if I had to choose ... 18. Why? Because although a lot of emotional shit went on senior year, I have to say I became the wiser for it. And now impart my wisdom to others (cough) currently dealing with it.
22. Your worst enemy? Myself *tear*
23 What is your current desktop picture? Muse being their badass selves.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone? Explosie bear.
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret? Well, as I said to Ariel yesterday (btw, you seem to be miss popular with this questionnaire thingy) I may have regrets, but at least when I see those people in the future that caused them, I'll still know I'm a million dollars richer than they are.
26. Do you love/ like someone? Yes. STFU to those who are GOING TO NAG ME FOREVER ABOUT IT. I think the count's up to about ... 4 or 5 guys now. Shut up.

Woo I have a crush. Haven't 'crushed' in a while.

DAMN THEY'RE FUN!!!!

(need to do this more often)

So my nineteenth year is coming to a close in a month and ten days and according to that list down there from Nov 20 or around that time, I've only accomplished two of those things. Take a guess which two. I dare you.

But on another note, I'm psychologically fucked up. YAY! (shut up carly)

I am a poophead farty face.

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So I was going to take the next step after the smile and all and say hi but no i chickened out in pure Ashley style when I saw him talking to some other girl.

In other news, I'm frightened by the fact that I became increasingly scared after hearing a group of 8 or so girls saying they were going to such and such a place sounding incredibly whorish. In reality, i shouldn't be worried and shouldn't care less seeing as the 'thing' ended a while ago with him. But sadly, as I walked the long trek back down my floor to my room at the end of the hall, with every step i took i became more scared by the knowledge that one of those girls or one like them can be something that i wasn't. And that I'll never have a chance again, despite the fact that most of my friends would kill me if i went after him again.

And it's also pretty shitty feeling too when someone you would have done anything for tells you he never liked you. Never. So all that time you spent on wishing and hoping was for absolutely nothing.

And all you're left with is cynicism and the bitter taste of regret in your mouth.

What's even better than giving a smile?

Getting one in return.

First contact made.

Hope it doesn't blow up like everything else recently.

I'm the one person in the world who gets that stupid ticket for jay walking.

Yes, it IS indeed 7:17 AM and forty or so minutes away from starting another day when probably another seemingly random occurence will happen again.

I'm starting this journal again. If I keep it up, well then fine: I do. But, more likely than not, life will somehow get in the fucking way and cause me to forget for the umpteenth time that I even have one of these.

It will be an interesting year: I can tell you that now. There are a million things on my mind right now, each worse than the next. Some of you know what's going on ... others don't, and I sure as hell want it to stay that way. I tell those I want to tell and the others I don't partly due to my own pride and the other part due to my inherent lack of trust in most. But I've been that way for years; those close to me know this ... and accept it.

Call me cynical ... but I have enough shit in the past to make me believe in things that way.

Because in the end, all you ever get is everything you never expected and everything you wished for eternity you never got. And maybe, just maybe, you'll somehow receive that break you were aimlessly looking for.

But even then it's stale.